


Silence Speaks

by panther



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-05
Updated: 2012-01-05
Packaged: 2017-10-29 00:34:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/313892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panther/pseuds/panther
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim and Leo have been in and out of each other's bed since they met but neither ever spoke about how they felt. Most of the time they didn't have to and then Jim does what he does best and nearly gets himself killed so Leo figures he has to say something before there isn't a next time to try.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silence Speaks

At the academy, they convinced themselves it was just convenient and that was when it started. During the exam time neither of them had the spare time to go out to the bars and clubs and woo women into a relationship or even just their bed. Jim had always been good at that but his determination to spite Pike and be the best he could be and then some kept him in the labs and libraries till all hours just like Leo was in the medical facilities. Fucking each other without questions was simply easier than dealing with someone else. For Leo it had always been more than that but it was never the right time to tell Jim that and risk ruining everything. Leo was a simple man and after his marriage, he would take the happiness he could get without asking too many questions.

They didn’t need small talk or even to look decent. Jim just had to stumble through the door at midnight and fall into his bed and Leo would be willing. Friends to fuck-buddies and they never really questioned it. It just sort of happened and worked and then the distress call came from Vulcan and changed everything.

That morning, before the hearing and that whole debacle, Leo had woken to find Jim wrapped around him, a sure sign there were things on his mind. He didn’t cling otherwise. When he had tried to nudge Jim awake the younger man had only curled in closer, “Don’t wanna, Bones.”

“You can’t stay here, kid.”

“I know,” and then he was rolling, rolling right over the edge of the single bunk and up onto his feet before he hit the floor, making Leo scowl as he himself got up. The air had been thick that morning, tense, and they both knew that technically Jim could be kicked out the academy for what he had done but neither wanted to bring it up. Leo wanted to offer words of comfort, anything really, to settle Jim’s nerves but nothing came to mind. It wasn’t the time to offer empty promises and it certainly wasn’t the time to tell Jim how he really felt about him.

No, he had just let Jim get dressed and gripped his shoulder before they left hoping for the best and expecting the worse.

*

The distress _had_ call changed everything though. Leo couldn’t leave Jim standing watching everyone get ready to leave, not looking like _that_ , and he had him waking up in the sickbay before the possible consequences of his actions really hit him. Everything passes in a blur after that. Leo is so busy with patients and being thrust into command of the overstretched sickbay that he can’t really follow what Jim is doing, let alone thinking, and he certainly can’t find a private moment to talk to him.

Of course he regrets all that when Spock maroons him on that ice-berg. Ranting doesn’t work and it doesn’t make Leo feel better. The guilt and turmoil seep into his bones and he struggles to keep his focus when working.

The relief he feels when Jim comes back is overwhelming only to be replaced by terror when he promptly goes off to try and rescue Captain Pike. Leo doesn’t know what to think or what to say so he doesn’t bother at all.

When Jim is finally back on the ship and they are returning to base, Leo finds him waiting in his quarters that evening. He doesn’t say anything, never does, just lets Jim strip him out of his clothes and lead him to his own bed, press him into the mattress and fuck him slowly as he tries to forget what he has been through. Leo never says a word, only rubs Jim’s back at the muffled comments of “ _Thought I wouldn’t make it, Bones. Didn’t want to die._ ” because there is nothing he could possibly say.

*

After Vulcan, Jim is made captain and it isn’t even a question of whether Leo will sign up to work with him or not. They set off and Jim’s swagger on the bridge makes Leo chuckle behind his hand as Spock watches on perplexed, and he feels himself being filled with the same enthusiasm as the rest of the crew at being led by Jim.

At no point is anything said but Leo starts leaving more of his things in Jim’s quarters because it is easier as he wakes up there most of the time anyway and Jim stops chatting up the crew members even though he insists it only about being professional. Leo doesn’t ask why he’s still sharing his bed with him then because he doesn’t want to be told something like he doesn’t count and risk taking it the wrong way. The ex had really done a number on him.

Jim never asks him to take his things back and instead shifts around his own things so that Leo has a drawer of his own in his wardrobe. His blue shirts hang neatly beside Jim’s gold ones and it is nearly a year into their five year mission that he realises he has basically moved in with Jim. Six months after that they host an ambassador whose ship has been attacked and Jim has the crew bring the rest of Leo’s things to his room so the ambassador can be housed in Leo’s.

The things never go back and someone moves into the room a few months later.

*

They only put things into words when a mission goes wrong and the locals try and treat Jim without knowing about his allergies. His reactions prove more dangerous than the initial infected cut and Leo only just manages to save him after being hurriedly beamed down from the _Enterprise_. It hits him hard, the three days Jim is pale and unconscious in the make-shift sickbay before he is stable enough to beam him back to the ship, and he tells himself he has to say something this time. In case there isn’t a next time to talk himself out of. When Jim is awake and stable, Leo works himself up into a state and then bustles into the sick bay, checking Jim’s notes before moving towards the bed and getting ready to spill his feelings. His plan doesn’t involve Jim reaching out with a trembling hand and pulling Leo down by the front of his shirt.

“Bones, _Leo_ I...I thought it was over,” he gasps, eyes bright blue and utterly terrified, as if he’s asking Leo to confirm that he has actually pulled through.

“I got you Jimmy,” Leo murmurs in his usual drawl, entangling his hand with Jim’s and settling down on the edge of the bed as the younger man nods.

“Leo I...I love you. And not like, as friends. I should have said but....” and then he blushes scarlet and his words taper off and it doesn’t matter because Leo doesn’t need them anyway. He knows Jim is not great with relationships and people after his childhood, after what his step father did and his uncle, brother, mother.

“I love you too, Jim,” Leo drawls, pulling him closer and pressing a kiss to his forehead before easing him back onto the pillows properly, needing him to rest. He knows Jim won’t believe him this time and probably not the next time either. Emotions were not simple for Jim and their declarations alone were not going to change that.

“M’gonna be alright, eh Bones?” Jim slurs from his pillow.

“Sure thing Jim. I’m here now and I know what I’m doing,” Leo says, not even attempting to cover up the bitterness, “But you need to rest.”

“Bones?”

“I’ll be here when you wake up Jim.”

*

Nothing really changes. They still don’t talk. They still don’t need to.


End file.
